i jhust puked up my retainher.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
do herpes really smell.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
