i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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