I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
