Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
