If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
