Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
