just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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