Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
