in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Randomize
