I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
