I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Small penises have feelings too.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
3pm strippers are depressing
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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