You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
