The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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