Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
