Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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