dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
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Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
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Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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