Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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