Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
should my penis look like a turkey
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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