meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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