The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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