he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
