Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize