I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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