I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
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