Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
