I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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