At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
