I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
