I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
