Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
