we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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