No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Please, let me fuck your mom
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
