We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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