I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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