If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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