it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I look better un-naked...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
