i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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