I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
