The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
