you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
