dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
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I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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