Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
wow bdsm is so cute
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
