my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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