we made out on top of his cat.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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