Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
