In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
