Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
