what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
