It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
