Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
