I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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