Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
