and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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