atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
