I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize