I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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