why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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