im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
