She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
