I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
