that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
