I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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