also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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