I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Can I color on your dick again?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
