Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
