Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
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My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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