I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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