I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
