Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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