this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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