we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
