I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
