Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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