Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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