i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This baby is an asshole
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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