According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
