Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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