I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
