Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
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We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
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I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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