I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Girls should come with a carfax report
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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