i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
