the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
