so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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