Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
