Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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